Deanie's Letter's

I want to thank Jenna from the bottom of my Heart that she made this for me from her Heart. Made me cry but that was fine as Syd said he would watch over me and this will remind me he is just doing that, Bless her Heart and God for using her as an instrument for Syd from afar. Sharing with you to see want a BEAUTIFUL JOB SHE HAS DONE.

  Dear friends, I hope you all having a good day. Believe it or not the sun decided to shine, sure brings spirits up. Just to keep you updated on how I am doing or what I am doing to get through this grief, which in plain English sucks, but in time it will take.  I AM HAVING A GRIEF COUNSELOR  FROM HOSPICE, COMING OVER TUESDAY, THE PAPER THEY SENT ME REALLY TELLS ME ALL THE FEELINGS I AM GOING THROUGH ARE NORMAL AND I SEEMED TO FIT MOST FEELINGS THEY described I'M NOT GOING CRAZY, HAVE TO HAVE THE KIDS READ THIS SO THEY'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I MAY ACT NORMAL TO THEM. HARD TO EXPLAIN IF YOU NEVER BEEN THROUGH LOSING A LOVED ONE AND SHOULD HELP THEM AS IS ME. I couldn't believe it many of the feelings fit me to a T, now to work through it. Some friends want to help and in some ways not ready for to jump in as I am finding out, not to rush like nothing happened, just give me space. Good to know I am not losing my mind after reading the letter they sent me. Tonight am going with a friend out to dinner and a bit of shopping and back home to my house for dessert, that I like and feel comfortable, she understands. Another friend and I go shopping together and share our feelings, good for us both. My son is so good to me, helps in many ways. Even helped me find a good printer as mine hit the dirt, an HP touch smart, love it! To use it you don't even have to have a computer, although it's hooked to mine as I can get things copied off. Next week my daughter is having me over night, we're going trick or treat with my great grand girls, that should be fun. The girls are all excited, they call me Nina as my kids called my Mom. That I am looking forward to. Other words I am doing fine, just have my moments and sometimes more. I joined Grief loss and recovery on Face book and found those who are going through the same and some even harder then others. One became a friend as to help each other  but sometimes I feel I do more helping, but that is fine, helps me to see how I share my feelings. Yes, I have felt over whelmed with all the paper work and felt why now, but thats life, whether we like it or not. The problem with me I am so darned emotional an inherited trait from my Mom. Sometimes I hate it, but am told by our friends why Syd loved me so much as I was so sensitive to  family and other people. Our strong Love is what will hold me together and have much gratitude for it and to want to live till my time comes. Just to let God lead the way. Thank you for reading and baring with me as I travel this new route to live. Bless you and God keep you safe.

Dear Friends, Sorry I have not been up to blogging, I stopped over to Beth's and commented to her more then a comment and thought I would share here, as I may not remember what I shared with her and also want to thank all my friends here for their comforting comments, meant so much to me, some did privately, so know you are all in my sisterhood as I know you feel that way too. I know it will get better, but need the time to grieve and not hold back as I have been doing. Going for a flu shot Thurs. with a friend, Maureen to our Dr. who we love so much, haven't been there since Syd's passing, this will be hard as she liked him so much. Have to take a pill for sure that day. Every wed. another young friend Sherrie, who is a LPN, has me over for dinner, we spend the day doing different stuff, she got me crocheting again, she is so much like me an Angel she has been for me. I keep getting cards most every day and that brings me to tears to read their heart felt words and memories they share. I plan on getting a scrapbook to put them in. My mind get boggled with all I have to too, but every one says take your time. Ok I will. Here's what I shared with Dear friend Beth who has held my hand through this, even though we only know each other from blogging, so many friends we can make here, where we laugh, cry and and share our thoughts on many things you can imagine. My Love to you all and you know I care about you too and have you all in my prayers. ~~ Hello Dear Beth, It finally decided to gift us with sunshine today, so it's coming your way. This year has been terrible weather every where, wander what winter has in store! I plan on staying her till Spring when my house will go up for sale and move near my son, maybe in his trailer park. Be near my family and friends. Too many memories here of all he did here I fall into tears the last two days. I thought I was doing so well and so strong, but I think I have been holding in and now it's come to a head, that he is gone, it hit Sunday when I had the family over for dinner the first since Syd had passed. I had my granddaughter set the table for 6 , when my daughter and her hubby came she forgot to tell me her mom in law was too. not a problem but felt embarrassed to set another plate, as that would be 7. My son said Mom there's 6, so I counted and he was right 6, I counted my self as 2 as always, that would be Syd, wow, hard to now think of me as one. Packing is not going to be easy, a lot of things will go to auction, besides family and friends. Paper work, who knew how much there is to do and only brings back tears to take him off and now only me. This pain is forever present. Hospice is suppose to send out a grief counselor, be calling in a week or so. I'll be fine but have to let my feelings out. So with the sun out I will go out to burn the burnable stuff I don't add to the garbage as I live in the country, where the neighbors are angels through all this, they miss him too. Have a Sunny day real soon and pray we have a mild winter as been told to me, just have to wait and see, huh!

~Today I picked up my Syd's black box with his ashes, I held him close as I cried. He will lay beside my bed tonight as I am still ingesting my loss. To lose a best friend as he and as spoiled as I is harder then I ever imagined, I do feel his presence but physically not there, I am lost with out his touch and assuring words, but in my memory for ever more he'll be. In time I know will become easier, but time it will take, for how long no one ever really knows, when you find the love we had since I was 17 and he 20. No other could take his place, he made me ever so happy and I smile as I remember how we loved to banter with each other even to the end. I still feel his embrace and kisses with our tears mingled as we said I love you and we shell meet again when God calls me. I feel his hand as he squeezed my hand tightly after he blessed himself and was gone from our world. I kissed him over and over and said I love you forever as he had said on my Anniversary card, love you forever. He was a Great loving, giving husband, father and Friend one could ever have. He left his mark on so many, so many memories we all share. He was and is well loved never to be forgotten. Syd I love you Forever, never good bye, but till we meet again. Missing you so much.  Aldine
Would you believe, I'm still getting cards, so got a scrap book to put them in. The Town of Alden, yesterday gave me a Beautiful Remembrance Book with his name engraved in Gold, the pages are full of beautiful Christian pictures and words of comfort, consolation and hope as you encounter the many faces of grief. Sent to me in my time of sorrow. This is the worse pain I have encountered, the lose of a long time love. I sure have many days where the tears flow, so lonely for his touch and our talks as he was my Best friend. Just praying for God to give me strength through the coming Holidays.

     

MY SYD DIED TONIGHT ABOUT 10;15. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS, HE WENT IN PEACE AND WITH NO PAIN. WE MADE IT TO OUR 53 YEARS THIS LAST TUES. WE SPENT ALL OUR TIME TOGETHER IN HIS LAST MOMENTS, SPOKE OF OUR UNDYING LOVE WE HAD TOGETHER. HIS MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAME TO SEE HIM, AS WE'RE NOT HAVING A FUNERAL, A PRIVATE MASS LATER. HE WILL SURLY BE MISSED BY ALL, SPECIALLY ME, GOING TO BE A HARD ROAD AHEAD, BUT WITH HIM WATCHING OVER ME AS HE SAID HE WOULD, I FEEL SAFE. BUT WILL MISS HIM SO terribly.

I want to thank all my Great Friends for your most welcome comments of Love and support. Syd is comfortable as we can make him, not easy to know that I will lose my husband after 53 years tomorrow the 8th. of our Anniversary, just a matter of time , when not sure, but making the best of it each moment. We do have a problem keeping his peg tube in keeps popping out, if doesn't drain well , he'll vomit, so have to always keep watch. The kids and a very dear friend sure helps me as I am so tired, Great having Hospice to help. At least he will die home and not in a hospital, that's what he and I wanted. So hard to see my future with out him my emotions goes from strong to letting go, up and down, feeling lost as many of you know and understand. With God's faith and support of Family and Friends means so much. Love you all as close family friends and hope to keep in touch. XXOO

 Fun to watch, a (Wedding to remember Forever!)

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YouTube - JK Wedding Entrance Dance
  

 

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YouTube - We The People Stimulus Package